The Moment

I'm currently pregnant with baby #4 and am about 2 wks out from my due date which has had me on edge a little lately w/planning, etc. Aside from that, I'm still working on healing and re-creating a healthy life w/out NFoo (see past posts regarding this). Then insert me getting borderline fanatical about looking up budgeting, frugal living, easy meal prep blogs, sites and books from the library. Our budget is stretched super thin and focusing on ways that I can improve some areas of how our household functions has been all consuming - maybe a little TOO consuming.

But now I'm getting to the point of really thinking about what I've spent so much time focusing on?? Well for starters, I've been dealing with anger, hurt, resentment against some family members along with elation, worry, anxiety, joy from the impending arrival of our baby girl to more stress and frustration with our lack of $$. But it all revolves around ME, 'what-if' scenarios, and could-a/would-a/should-a thinking! There has to be more to the day and life than this? :-P

In the blog ZenHabits, the author Leo Babauta wrote a recent post commemorating his 38th birthday with 38 lessons he's learned in life. The one that made me stop and really think is life lesson #5:

"The moment is all there is. All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past — it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that, and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment. In this way, any activity can be meditation."

Like the quote mentions, what would my day - and even life - look like if I minimized the worry, stopped replaying old hurts from the past and started letting the right here, right now affect me?? What if I lived more of a 'carpe diem' - or seize the day mentality??

Maybe I would stop more, open the blinds and truly look at the beauty of the sun glistening off of my newly budding lilac bush. . . . see the sparkle in my toddler's eyes and enjoy the squeals as he runs chasing his older brother and sister through the house. . . . welcome the scruffy feel of my yellow lab rubbing on my leg trying to steal one more pet. . . . kiss my husband a little longer to enjoy those last few seconds before he's out the door and off to work. . . . sit down with my older kids more and pray with them.

Sometimes I feel so limited by my past and let worry of the future take hold of and shadow those moments that should be so precious to me right now. Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we not let go and just like the breeze on a crisp Spring afternoon. . . let The Moment hit us, experiencing it's presence - allowing us to feel and LIVE?!