Sunday, May 8, 2011

It's D-Day done MY way :)

Well, after a very low key pregnancy, the last 3 wks have been very back and forth with 'issues' of my amniotic fluid levels being low (dr's get nervous when it drops as low as 5 or below) and the office staff/dr'spushing for me to have an induction - despite me asking for time to naturally get my fluid levels up. Now a little background on this is that I initially wanted to have my baby at a birth center this time with no/little intervention but it boiled down to cost and what our insurance would cover so I stayed w/the OB practice I was already established with. Another point to make is that other than low fluid levels, there is NOTHING else showing up as a concern regarding my health or baby's health. Her stress tests have all been great! & she moves constantly - thus mitigating any other red flags that induction is mandatory.

Needless to say, I've had to come out of my comfort zone and be more of an advocate for me and my baby on what is truly necessary and what's just the dr's pushing for me to fall in line with 'protocol'. Definitely trying to grow outside the box of being a compliant daughter of an NM, lol!

Well, add to this equation my SGBro calling to pressure and covertly guilt me into letting NParents (NP) know about the impending arrival of baby #4. He even went so far as to suggest that the NP's could still come to the hospital in a 'controlled' environment just to see the baby and then be on their way and suggesting for me to be 'Christian' in this situation because I cannot take back the resentment if I ever re-establish a relationship w/NP's in the future.
WOW!! His conversation was WRONG and so co-Narc it's like reading it out of an enabler textbook. This is the same brother whom I just blogged about getting sh*t on by NM - plus I've explained my feelings, hurts, resentments about NFoo MANY times to him since my initiated estrangement. Oh, and he's been a professed atheist for many years but is 'warming' up to the idea of there even being a God, doesn't go to church and I don't believe he even reads the bible. . . . but he's suggesting that I be 'Christian' in this matter - LMFAO!!! Um, OK! *sarcasm*

SO. . . . What should the Brash do??? Capitulate as usual? Go with the flow for other's sake?? HELL NO!! While I'm not looking to go totally renegade and be purposefully defiant - I am finally agreeing to be induced though on a day that works with MY schedule. . . . *note* my file already shows that I apparently 'REFUSED' to come in for induction two days prior. I don't think ASKING for more time to naturally increase fluid levels is outright 'REFUSING' but WHATEVER! Also, once they get contractions going, I want NO FURTHER interventions which I and hubby will stick with (please pray I can withstand the pain and any annoying nurses, lol!!)

Secondly, my brother's supposed 'benevolent' request will be ignored and if he asks again, he will clearly have my full unrated reasoning as to why I DO NOT think I'm obligated to allow manipulative, destructive, unrepentent, hurtful people around me or my children. My parents are fully aware that I'm pregnant and they know when my due date is. When I sent letters explaining my hurts and their actions being the reason for me distancing myself from them, they are adults and fully capable of reaching out to take responsibility, correct, apologize for said actions. Yet they have NOT done anything aside from dropping manipulative/hoovering hints to me. . . . like leaving items on my porch and pics in my mailbox w/out any correspondence.

NO! - I WILL NOT AGAIN sacrifice MY comfort, dignity, self-esteem & self-worth just to appease THEIR comfort level. Me and my family deserve more, which is why I'm moving foward with this new step in my life and doing things MY WAY!! :)

p.s. Thank You to all my fellow bloggers/readers who have wished me well. It means a lot to have people rallying behind me and wishing good things for me!!

4 comments:

  1. Delivery is always tough. After 6 times I just became better at recognizing the stages. I appreciated the Lamnze method of learning to focus on breathing but I now know that I had a bit of cheating going on with my ability to dissociate from everything including pain. The dear brother putting in the request for the parents is frustrating. I suspect you would like to scream don't you listen to anything I say? Hoping that your baby and you both come through the delivery with flying colors and great health. I was blessed with an angel nurse that was awesome. I hope you get one too. :)

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  2. Good for you, Brash! You're up against some really rough stuff and you're holding your own.

    I completely get the anxiety over not wanting your NM in the hospital. For me, I was worried that NMIL would just show up. I would have been pissed and handled it, but it still would have been a huge intrusion on her part.

    Fuck them. This is not about them. It's about you and your baby and your FOC. Good for you!

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  3. I obviously do not know any history about your pregnancy or past pregnancies, but I have heard that many times docs are wrong about amniotic fluid, size of baby, etc., and what they ultimately want is a birth they can manage and attend M-F from 9-5. It is the first of many interventions as you know. Maybe a doula can help be your advocate to remind you and DH when it is time to advocate for yourselves during labor day. Many are free, trying to get more experience. Contact DONA or CAPPA if you have not already.
    I hope all goes well and congrats on feeling well! And happy Mother's Day.

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  4. brash,
    hope all is well! been thinking about you and wishing the best for your family of choice. xoxox

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