I just talked to my Brother (who is NM's scapegoat) the day after Easter to find out that NM has struck a chord with one of us kids AGAIN - no surprise there! Apparently a nice set of bistro table have been sitting in their basement for years being stored/unused and NM promised them to my bro approx. 6 months ago, though of course after NM made a note to let him know that she's offering them to him since he doesn't get much (Aww, what a great mother!! - *gag*). HOWEVER, when my brother called to wish NM a Happy Easter, NM informed my bro that NSis was coming out to their house for Easter and her DH was bringing his truck so they could take the tables. Say what?! No inference as to having previously promised them to my brother?? Of course not! In fact, she did her usual projection/gaslight tactic by telling him that NSis really wanted a chandelier & lamp but NM strictly said, "No" to those items as she was saving those for my dear brother (Aww again at what a great mother she is! *insert sarcasm* ). The irony of it all is that my brother has already told NM a couple of times that he doesn't need nor want the chandelier/lamp that she already tried to give him on numerous occasions. . . . . which occasions NM has 'conveniently' forgotten.
So now some analysis:
First of all, anyone who is in contact with a narcissist knows that they are awful gift givers overall - if they even decide to give you anything. It's either cheap, suited to THEIR tastes, or a ploy to illicit some form of adoration/worship from you for THEM. If one lacks empathy and basic human consideration for others (which narcs do lack), there's no way that person can possibly take the time to pick out a heartfelt gift that says something special about YOU. They don't care what's special about YOU - plain and simple. So ALWAYS beware of narc gift givers.
Also, after talking to my bro another thing struck me. No gift is ever given by a narc w/out some strings attached. The gift is simply a tool to be used by the narc as some form of manipulation. It made me think of the term "Indian Giver". See, once you are offered something by the narc - it's your turn to jump for joy and bow down in utter graciousness that they thought of little ol' you. Can you feel the love yet?! If you don't jump, then be ready for their wrath or for them to 'take away' the gift as a form of manipulative punishment. . . . which is exactly what happened to my bro. :(
Those tables were never truly a 'gift' nor did she care about what he didn't get from her in life. They were simply objects used to sacrifice my brother's feelings at the expense of punishing him (maybe for not visiting/calling enough) and to also suck up to NSis - who NM had complained about to my bro a couple days earlier because NSis has been ignoring NM. Nope, the tables were only a pawn to AGAIN, put NM and HER needs in the middle of her Narc Web leaving my brother duped by her "Indian Giver" tactic and my NSis to fawn over the perceived 'generosity' of NM. Never a dull moment!! *wink*
The Dragon isn't so much an "Indian Giver" as she is entitled to it herself. For example- Her T.V. blew up, I had an extra one, rather than purchasing another, it was within her rights to take mine.... same with a washer and dryer, microwave, and dining room table. Everything that I owed... she owned. Why? Because she gave birth to me, and she was my mother.
ReplyDeleteUgh NON - the entitlement tactic is another flip side that is downright cruel and awful!! Your NM sounds similar to my NSis. :(
ReplyDeleteYou just described perfectly the Ns in my life. My NM added a twist to the list. If I give anything to my EF as a gift, within 6 months to a year she gets that clutter out of her house. Now I take him somewhere he likes to go. She can't give that away. (Somebody needs to create a sarcasm font.)
ReplyDeleteRuth - I would love a 'sarcasm' font or even an emoticon to go with, lol! . . . . better yet, how about a *gag* one too? ;)
ReplyDeleteThis is one of those scenarios where I feel the Narc is always setting up their own lose/lose situation...they don't see it as such, but all the people they are attempting to manipulate generally do. With all of your Nm's games and schemes, she was setting it up so that everyone got their feelings hurt, or ended up being manipulated and feeling crazy. Yuck.
ReplyDeleteBrash - How about the "re-gifter?" They do that too. I swear, though I can't prove it, the only gifts I ever got from my NMIL were of the re-gifted variety.
ReplyDeleteMy mother tried to sell me her car once. My wife and I were on the way to the hospital TO GIVE BIRTH TO OUR DAUGHTER. Add to that, just several weeks prior she said the transmission was going to crap out on the thing.
ReplyDeleteThe hell is that about?!
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