Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Outside the Sphere
What do you do when you're hurt? How about when you're sad/upset? Struggling financially? Depressed? Just blah? It's easy to shove these emotions inside the center of our core and just 'deal with it'. Not everyone is very successful at this, though. Antidepressant usage is on the rise, not to mention those that resort to/are in the midst of some form of substance abuse to numb oneself. But it doesn't go away. Deep in the sphere it festers.
I tend to be a 'stewer' where I replay old hurts, try to figure out resolutions to any problems/issues that arise; a deep thinker if you will. If I don't understand something, someone, or myself I set forth on a mission to research and figure out what ails. Unfortunately, these deep feelings tend to isolate. When I'm focusing on my own hurts I can't possibly be concerned with the hurts of others. . . . at least not to the extent that I could. I'm stuck in my sphere. A circular bubble with a thick wall keeping outside influences away so I can continue to hang on to/nurse those hurts & feelings that I naively think define me. An impenetrable sphere where nothing gets in but where nothing also gets out, expunged, cleansed. Stagnant. Slowly rotting. Dark.
But there's hope! Today I was reminded of that. I had lost a gift card given to me months ago. I felt silly, foolish that I had not been more careful. It was a real downer because we could really have used it then but we managed. So I prayed. Not necessarily a prayer to restore the card, thus assuage my own embarrassment. No. I prayed forgiveness for not appreciating the blessing as I should. May seem silly to some to have murmered such a prayer. But here I sit admist a week of financial struggles - light bulbs burnt out, groceries in general waning, dog needing more allergy meds, school shopping around the corner, etc. Just a whole bunch of 'little' things that add up to a financial burden when they are all in need of being done/replaced at once. *SIGH* But lo and behold there it was! At the bottom of my baby's toy hamper was the little card that I thought I'd lost for good staring back at me.
A simple occurance in the day to so many. No big deal. Just grab it, spend it and go on about life - right?? I couldn't just do that. Not without giving Glory to where/whom it's due. To me it let me know that my heavenly Father is looking out for me, even when I feel others have let me down or when I've dropped the ball for someone. YES, he does care and he will provide. It will all be done on His time and the timing will be perfect! I can begin to feel secure enough, knowing God has my back, to open a door in that sphere as I let the 'ugly' seep out and allow the love and compassion for others flow in. No more does the sphere have to be a ball & chain holding me down.
There's more in this world than just ME. . . or US. . . or YOU! I pray for boldness to step outside the sphere I've been hiding in. Allow me to make a difference for someone so they too can have the courage, support to take that step outside the sphere, and so on. A new movement forward. Progress. A positive difference!